There is something paralysing about one’s struggles.
I suspect particularly with those inner struggles that feel invisible to the eyes – or come as a consequence of physical and material difficulties.
They can feel deeply personal and isolating.
I’m often stopped in my tracks by the Lord’s invitation to:
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
It has long been a passage I fail to grasp fully, despite, I believe, being able to understand it intellectually.
I recently came to realise how I tend to feel I’m “on my own” about my struggles. I noticed how I told myself: Now I have to deal with this, as the sense of doom came in.
It clicked that despite my speaking with the Lord and asking for help, at the core of it all, I somehow believed I was to deal with my struggles by myself. I got myself into this, so I thought, and so I must face the consequences on my own.
This revealed a personal and relational wound. What do I believe about myself, others and God, that makes me react that way?
Realising that helped me unlock to some extent – however, some of it still lingers. I believe my struggles distance me from God and are a failure to our relationship and communion.
This morning, the Lord gently reminded me, as I was complaining about my state, that He is there.
As someone who never abandons. As someone who watches over me.
I couldn’t quite tell myself: as someone who lives within me. But I know this is also true. He abides deep in my soul and my heart.
Thank you, Lord, for your loving gaze upon my life. You are not distant nor leave me alone in my pain or mistakes, but wish to help me, comfort me and never leave me.
“Believe that He loves you, that He wants to help you in the struggles you have to undergo. Believe in His love, His exceeding love.”
St Elizabeth of the Trinity